So I went to this party last Halloween, and met a Martian. Really nice guy. And talk about an impressive costume. I could tell he approved of my Elf get-up too, because he asked me out. I said yes. Nice guys don’t exactly fall from the sky, you know.
I bought a new dress for the occasion. A short, sparkly, midnight blue number, with rhinestone stars around the hem. I was ready at the appointed hour of eight, and I even had a bottle of champagne on ice, to break the ice.
He showed up on time, and I appreciated that. But he was wearing his Martian costume again. I thought it was supposed to be a joke, but from the serious look on his face, I could see that it wasn’t.
I invited him in, and suggested a glass of bubbly before we headed out for the evening. He said he’d never tried champagne. I’m guessing the bubbles took him by surprise when he took his first sip, because he sort of snorted and then sneezed. Poor thing, he was mortified. And chalk it up to an overactive imagination on my part, but he appeared to turn green with embarrassment, not red.
Perhaps I should have warned my guest to go easy on the champagne. That it would sneak up on him if he drank it too fast. But he’d polished off the rest of the bottle before I’d even finished my first glass. In a giddy mood, he started to tell jokes. And the more he laughed at his own humor, the greener he got.
Q: What did the Martian say when he was told he couldn't fish without a permit?
A: I'm doing very well with worms, thank you.
***A Russian, an American, and a Martian were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Martian said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun. You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Martian replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
***Two Martians from space upon seeing their first snake.
First: "That's only a little green snake."
Second: "Yes, but it might be as dangerous as a ripe one!”
And then, without warning, the joke telling stopped. My date was now face down on my carpet, his laughter turned to tears. Through his sobbing, I thought I heard him mumble something about being homesick. My heart was breaking for him, but I didn’t know what to say. So I fumbled for my cell phone and handed it to him. I told him to call his mother if it would make him feel better. Drying his eyes with his sleeve, he sat up, and put his head on my knee.
And that’s when I noticed his antennae.
Like I said. Last Halloween I met a Martian. This Halloween I’m going to meet his mother. My biggest dilemma is what I should wear-my sparkly dress or my Elf costume. I want to make a good first impression.